Truman and I spent a few hours lining envelopes with fancy paper last night. Have I mentioned my love's willingness to indulge my neurosis? I seek control when I'm stressed by doing insanely detailed craft and decorating projects. It's weird but I'm so grateful that he's willing to roll with it. ...But I digress.
Weddings, as with most major life events, have an uncanny way of making memories and emotions bubble to the surface. I think it's because weddings aren't just about beginnings. They are also about endings. It's the start of this new transformation in your relationship but it's also the end of all those things you didn't choose. Or, in some cases, weddings and wedding ceremonies are just a tangible production of what isn't.
Truman and I both have these isn'ts. Don't worry, we're not longing for long lost lovers. It's actually about friendships for each of us. Friends we thought would be in our wedding, or at our wedding, or possibly sitting beside us as we lined envelopes with handmade paper. Ok, he probably never thought he'd be lining envelopes with handmade paper at all, let alone with friends, but you get the idea.
And honestly, his stories aren't mine to tell....so (shucks) we'll just have to talk about me.
I had a really close friend when I first moved to Denver and I sort of thought we were some version of non-romantic soul mates. In a time when I was insanely lonely in a new place he was kind of my person. Years later we had a friendship break up (maybe that's just how intense friendships go) and we just never really recovered.
When he got married last year I wasn't invited. We hadn't spoken much in nearly two years so I didn't expect to be. In fact, I didn't realize the date had arrived until photos popped up on facebook. That's a strange feeling. To not be celebrating with your friend. To not have help process and plan. To not even realize what day or month he was getting married.
And now it's my turn. And it's not just this particular friend. There are folks from high school and folks from college. Folks I thought I'd be lining envelopes with. I'm not saying I'd change anything or even that the life cycle of friendships is inherently bad, just that realities are more pronounced in these transitional moments. Both the profoundly perfect and the bittersweet. But that's the evolution, that's the progression...and that's the transformative process of planning a wedding.
And by the way, you should see the envelopes. They're freakin' fabulous.